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Expert Q&A
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| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
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I have a 13-year-old that had several friends through middle school but in the last six months or so she doesn't seem to have any friends that call or that she calls. She is very involved in club soccer which takes a lot of her time. She is also very dedicated to school. I've tried to get her to call old friends but she just doesn't seem to have any interest or is scared of rejection. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a lot of self confidence even though she is beautiful and smart.
Her father and I are divorced but she is very involved in both of our lives, along with my mother and sister. I'm just concerned that she doesn't have any close friends her own age and that she's missing out on a lot. She is friends with the soccer girls, but they don't do a lot of socializing past soccer. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated."
She sounds like a wonderful child. Does she see the lack of friends as a problem? Middle school can be a very tough time for making friends, and it may take a while with the same girls on her team before she spends time outside of soccer with them. You might talk to her soccer coach to get his or her perspective on it. If she was shy when she was younger or is uncomfortable speaking in class or giving speeches, she may have a touch of an anxiety disorder that might warrant professional help. However, if that is not the case, she may just be a late bloomer or introverted. Many kids don't really get involved with friends until high school.
There are some studies that more popular girls are at higher risk for drug use, shoplifting, pregnancy, etc. so you might want to count your blessings. She may be rejecting the values of her peers, and adolescent values today can be very shocking. It really is a different world than when you were in middle school. See if she will tell you about the kinds of things kids do at her school. Ask her how she feels about kids her own age. Would she like more friends? Is she afraid of rejection? If you have friends with children her age, it might be a good option to plan an outing together, but be careful of being too pushy. Kids do work these things out.
Kate Cohen-Posey, MS, LMHC, LMFT
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