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Expert Q&A

	By Jennifer Brout-Lynn psychologist

My 18-year-old grandson has a problem telling the truth – about anything! He has graduated from high school and now has a steady job. He told his mom he had paid a bill even though she had the outstanding bill in her hand. Even so, he persisted in telling her that it had been paid! This is just one example of the lies that he tells. Is this normal? What can we do about his behavior?

Continual lying is not "normal" behavior. However, it is more important to determine the reasons a person lies than it is to condemn him for lying. It is unlikely that your grandson is lying simply to amuse himself. It is more likely that he is lying to protect himself. For example, he may have lied about the bill because he is too embarrassed to say that he did not pay it. Does he forget to do a lot of things such as pay bills, etc.? If so, perhaps he has an issue with memory (this is just an example) and has learned to lie to cover up continual mistakes that are out of his control. Sometimes, people lie to compensate for these kinds of issues, and if you can find a pattern and assess this it will be very helpful to him. Alternatively or in addition, he may feel afraid to tell others the truth and chooses to lie to avoid confrontation. If this is the case, he needs to be reassured that he will not be humiliated or penalized for telling the truth. Having an open discussion with him about this would be a great start. If his lying persists after you have made these efforts, psychological/personality assessment may be a necessary next step.

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