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Home › Expert Q&A › General › My 16-year-old is so rude and awful and out of control! Do you have any ideas or know of any places you can refer me to?

Expert Q&A

 

By Kate Cohen-Posey
Therapist

My 16-year-old is so rude and awful and out of control! As a single parent, I don't have the money to send him to a private school or other facility, and unless he gets arrested, he can't be sent to a county facility. I am stuck with no help. I truly think teens today are a different breed. They act like royalty and think they shouldn't have to do anything they don't want to. They have no respect for parent's rules. No discipline works because he just walks out, and he's too big to stop. Do you have any ideas or know of any places you can refer me to? It would help just to talk to other parents."

You are so right! It does help to talk to other parents. As well as being a therapist since 1973, I also have a 16-year-old daughter and have certainly experienced the "parent abuse" of which you speak. But do not despair. There is help locally.

You may not have the money to send him to a private school or facility, but you probably can afford some form of counseling. If he refuses to go, get help for yourself. Some therapists have very creative ideas.

Although your son is stronger than you, you still have power. Pick your battles (one or two at first) and withhold the car keys or all money until you see some compliance with an assigned chore, curfew, etc. Talk with other parents who you respect to find out what are reasonable standards to enforce. Do not hit your son under any circumstances (it will come back to haunt you), but if you block his way to prevent him from leaving, and he hits you, do not hesitate to involve authorities. If he does hit you, it will probably not hurt any more than the emotional pain he has caused a zillion times. Likewise, if he takes your car without permission or any other possessions, do not hesitate to involve authorities. The first legal involvement is usually probation and that can be helpful.

However, given your circumstances, please confirm any ideas I have given you with a local therapist with whom you can discuss the particulars of your case and who knows how the legal system operates in your area. You might want to go to www.aamft.org to find a local family therapist or get recommendations from friends.

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