- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preteenagers today articles
- preteenagers today q&a
- teenagers today articles
- teenagers today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Expert Q&A
 |  |  |
| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
 |
I'm the mother of two wonderful children who are now teenagers, who I see for only six hours once a month due to a court order. Their father and stepmother have told them horrible things about me. He has brainwashed them into thinking that they don't want to see me anymore. How can I have a relationship with them?
If you are still able to see them six hours a month, you have a chance for them to see who you are. Use that time to be interested in their lives (as much as possible) if they will tell you what is going on for them. Don't try too hard to convince them that you are not the person who has been described to them.
Let them know that you have made mistakes and maybe others have too, and as they get older, they will be better able to tell what those mistakes are but focus more on what is hard, good, fun, etc. for them. If they like their dad and stepmom, let them know you are glad that part of their life has been good for them since you weren't able to help raise them.
If you are no longer able to see them, when they are adults, contact them by mail and try to set up a meeting.
You have no idea what will happen when they are adults. People do see things differently. My husband's niece contacted her father after not seeing him for 20 years, but she couldn't do it until she was an adult. Her mother also used the courts to keep him out of her life and made him let her stepfather adopt her. Now she spends most of her holidays with her once-estranged dad. He is careful never to say anything against her mom.
The only thing you can count on is change, and in the meantime, work on making the most of your life. Be a big sister to other needy children or be a foster parent if your circumstances have changed that much and if you want children in your life."
Related Expert Q&A
- Do you feel it's more the school's responsibility or the parents' to stop the bullying?
- What advice would you have for parents who are dealing with bullying, whether it's their child doing the bullying or being bullied?
- My daughter, 18, wants to become a doula. What sort of education is necessary and what can she expect from this career?
- Will boys get stronger than girls who do a strength training regimen?
- What are the benefits of strength training for children?
More Answers by this Expert
- My 11-month-old doesn't seem interested in playing with other toddlers. Should I encourage him by joining a playgroup?
- How can I stop my older daughter from picking on heryounger sister?
- When should a child be given a key to the house?
- How can I curb my 8-year old son's rude behavior?
- My daughter wasn't invited to a friend's party. What should I tell her?