- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preteenagers today articles
- preteenagers today q&a
- teenagers today articles
- teenagers today q&a
- community & groups
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
From Our Sponsors
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Expert Q&A
 |  |  |
| By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist | ||
 |
My girlfriend and I desperately need some advice. Her 16-year-old son is 5 feet, 9 inches and weighs 185 pounds. He is very abusive toward his mom. He calls her every name in the book, and sometimes he punches holes in the wall. It has really gotten out of hand, and I am scared for her safety. The kid will keep this up for two or three days. It got so bad the other day, I had to call the police. It's getting to the point where I am considering taking him outside and "beating his butt." Please give your expert advice before this happens."
It sounds like very serious problems are going on and that professional intervention is needed. Even if your girlfriend's son refuses to go to counseling, it would be good if you and she did yourselves to get a better assessment of what the problem might be. He may have a bipolar disorder, other type of mood disorder, impulse control problems or be abusing drugs. The best case scenario is that he has had very little limit setting in his young life, and his mother and you need to learn behavior management strategies that you can use as a team. Parents have surprising ways they can make use of their power, and a skillful therapist will explain this to you.
If you take over for your girlfriend and use corporal punishment, it will not improve her son's ability to treat his mother as an authority and may even have serious repercussions. If he ever hits his mother, authorities should be called. He will probably not hurt her any more physically than he has already hurt her emotionally. But I want to stress again that you need expert advice on the particulars of your case, as there could be an underlying serious disorder or long-standing dysfunctional pattern in the family.
Kate Cohen-Posey, MS, LMHC, LMFT
How to Handle Bullies, Teasers and Other Meanies
Related Expert Q&A
- Do you feel it's more the school's responsibility or the parents' to stop the bullying?
- What advice would you have for parents who are dealing with bullying, whether it's their child doing the bullying or being bullied?
- My daughter, 18, wants to become a doula. What sort of education is necessary and what can she expect from this career?
- Will boys get stronger than girls who do a strength training regimen?
- What are the benefits of strength training for children?
More Answers by this Expert
- My 11-month-old doesn't seem interested in playing with other toddlers. Should I encourage him by joining a playgroup?
- How can I stop my older daughter from picking on heryounger sister?
- When should a child be given a key to the house?
- How can I curb my 8-year old son's rude behavior?
- My daughter wasn't invited to a friend's party. What should I tell her?