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Expert Q&A
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| By Sonny Elliott Family Counselor/Author | ||
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How can I discourage my daughter from wanting a baby at age 14?
When a 14-year-old wants to have a child, there are so many signals and messages being sent that it represents quite a challenge. Somewhere I suspect this child doesn't feel loved, so she will go get "someone" to love her and to leave her with a child to love and care for. Perhaps it's an attempt to be loved by someone who would be the father. At this age her emotional development is years away from being completed. As for a male partner, science tells us a man's brain isn't even fully developed until he is about age 25. Hence the tremendous divorce rate among young marriages due to the lack of emotional development or life experiences.
So perhaps you could take her to institutions that deal with this misery on a daily basis. Let her see and talk with other underage parents, counselors etc.
Once, when my sons were young teenagers, I set it up for them to be taken to a prison, and there an inmate met with them and explained what this type of life was really like. Not a television version, but the harsh, cold, truthful version. I also took them to a morgue, so they could see death up close and what violence could look like. It was one of the strongest visual impressions ever made on these boys and, needless to say, that experience influenced these four young men to not even think about going that direction in their personal lives.
I also invite you to consider taking your daughter to a professional that specializes in the area of teen pregnancies.
Meanwhile, I suggest you ask her a lot of questions, giving very little feedback, and continue demonstrating your love for this confused child.
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