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Expert Q&A
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| By Chris Crutcher Author, Licensed Child and Family Therapist | ||
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Help me! I have a bright, wonderful, talented 19-year-old college freshman. He came home from school over the weekend and seemed very troubled. After several attempts at getting him to open up, he finally admitted to me that he may have forced himself on a young woman. It seems there was a lot of drinking involved. He remembers kissing and touching her and some of that being reciprocated. He says she didn't say no, but "We shouldn't" and that despite that he proceeded to start having sex with her. He says that the alcohol made the experience very murky and he felt sick, so he stopped. At that point, he said he noticed she was crying. He said that after that he left and passed out when he got home. He saw the girl the next day and she was friendly and acted like nothing had happened. How do I guide him?
I'd guide him to take the issue straight on – to go to the girl and say what he remembers and how he feels, and that if he was out of line he was sorry. She may or may not remember it the same way he does, and she may or may not want to talk about it, but that's one of those things you don't want to leave hanging. She'll have a lot more respect for him if he tackles it straight on, and he can have a lot more respect for himself. We can get pretty carried away under the influence but it's always a mistake to use that for an excuse. It's a reason, but it's not an excuse. Again, it's something I'd want out in the open between the two of them.
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