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Expert Q&A
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| By Chris Crutcher Author, Licensed Child and Family Therapist | ||
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My 17-year-old daughter's boyfriend has been diagnosed with leukemia. They have been "dating" for 6 months. She is understandably scared and very worried. She wants to spend every waking hour with this boy, including missing school when he is at treatments or too sick to attend. His family is very welcoming of her attention, and seems to be encouraging it. She keeps saying that she doesn't know how long they have together, so she needs to be with him as much as possible. I'm trying to get her to understand that with or without the illness, this relationship is becoming too much of an obsession for two 17-year-olds. Who is right?
It doesn't really matter who is right; probably you both are. If there's any way to find out the prognosis, it would probably be helpful in your decision making, but even without that, it's not worth getting into too big a fight over. Most kids in a case like this would need your support. At the same time I'd sit down with her, or them and see if there's a way to satisfy you both. You might be able to engage the boy in helping her find a balance. If she knows he wants her to succeed in school as well as support him, that could take the pressure off everyone. That is also a subject you might bring up with his parents. You might also sit down with her and see if you can come to agreement on what is minimally required here; something that keeps her on schedule in school at least, and which also helps relieve her anxiety about the situation. This is one of those things where there is no easy answer. It's hard to convince a teenager that school is more important than a life. It's hard to convince anyone of that.
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