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Expert Q&A

	By Kate Cohen-Posey Therapist

My 17-year-old daughter keeps coming home with bruises on her arms, legs and wrists, but so far not her face. I've asked her about them and she either says that she doesn't know how she got them or says that she must have hurt herself at work. She's been seeing a new boy and I'm concerned he may be responsible. I've tried talking to her about them, but she acts uncomfortable when I question her. The boy seems friendly, but I don't know what goes on when they are alone. Do I have anything to worry about?

First of all, compliment yourself on being observant. You may have reason to be concerned, but at the same time you are limited in what you can do. Other warning signs of abusers include being very romantic -- giving flowers or presents -- being possessive and jealous, limiting or requiring girlfriends to break off their friendships -- even with females -- expressing negative attitudes towards women, etc. If your daughter still maintains contact with and spends time with her old friends, things are probably OK, but if she is becoming more and more isolated from everyone but her boy friend and his friends, there may be more of a problem.

If you go on vacation or have an excuse to keep her from seeing him for a week, then you can notice if there is a change with the bruising. The most important thing is to keep a good relationship with her and encourage her to talk without doing a lot of interrogation. But if your suspicions remain strong, you might require a few counseling sessions and blame it on the fact that you are a "worry wart." Hopefully, if something is going on, she will be more open with an uninvolved third party. Check out counseling resources that are very familiar with domestic violence.

Renting movies like "The Burning Bed," which have domestic violence as a topic, might be a good way to talk about the issue third hand. Because your daughter is 17, ultimately you are going to have to count on her good judgment to come through.

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