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Expert Q&A
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| By Sonny Elliott Family Counselor/Author | ||
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My daughter is 13 years old and we have had all the talks recommended by the experts and I have been a good listener. My daughter swears to me that she has never had sex, but there are signs that make me think otherwise. Should I make her an appointment to see a gynecologist? I do want to know, so we can take the necessary steps to protect her from unwanted pregnancy and disease.
First, it seems you have an open enough relationship with your daughter to be candid about what is a challenging subject for most people, whatever their age might be, and this is wonderful!
I invite you in your conversations to take the direction (and perhaps you have) of having her fully realize how special and sacred her body is, and to not be giving herself casually to another at this age. What is really at stake is not particularly the "sex experience'" but rather her pride, and her self-worth that is directly associated with the physical act itself. Having sex at this age merely fosters shame, secrecy, and fear of the unknown, such as becoming pregnant.
And yes, I would take her to a gynecologist as a precaution. This conversation perhaps could be broached from the point of view that her body is changing, her emotions are changing, and it is your responsibility as a mother to do all you can to support her in knowing as much as possible about this subject at this young age.
I do think it is important that she doesn't feel you simply are not believing her, and are having her checked out, but rather use this opportunity to align with the doctor as your daughter's partner in looking ahead. The best thing you have going is the ability to interact with your daughter, and that needs to be protected at all costs. She is only 13 once.
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