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Home › Expert Q&A › General › My 11-year-old son sometimes explodes emotionally. What can I do to help him?

Expert Q&A

 

By Jennifer Brout-Lynn
psychologist

My 11-year-old son is essentially well behaved and well liked. However, with the immediate family he sometimes explodes emotionally (saying hurtful things, throwing things and even threatening bodily harm). This is not an everyday occurrence and seems to revolve around changes in his life such as the divorce of me and his father (at age 3), remarriage on my part (at age 7), remarriage of his father (at age 8) and now transition to middle school. The emotional outbursts have increased over the past week. (We have had three, whereas previously it had been several months since we had the last major out burst.) This last outburst involved him "walking away from home" and threatening to harm himself as well as me. Later he said that he really did not mean what he said and that he just wanted to hurt me (emotionally not physically). We are at our wits end at this time. What can we do to help him? I have tried to get him to talk about his feelings.

You have done an excellent job recognizing the specific life events that your son's outbursts are connected to. However, as you have discovered, it is not always easy to get a child to talk about his feelings. Because of what your son says/does during his explosive episodes (in terms of his "running away" and "hurting himself and others"), it is important that you seek professional help. As he has told you, he may not mean the things he says during these outbursts. However, as a concerned parent, it is best to make sure his statements are part of the outburst and are not carried over into his everyday life in some manner of which you are unaware. His loss of control is frightening to you and surely it is to him as well. As you have suggested, his explosions are most likely a result of feelings that he has not processed, which is why speaking with a therapist will be very helpful.

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