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Expert Q&A
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| By Susan Bartell Licensed Psychologist | ||
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How do I talk to my stepdaughter about the changes her body and mind (hormones!) are going through now that she is in middle school? I have daughters of my own, and I have no trouble talking to them, but I am worried about overstepping my boundaries with her. Can you help?
It can be tricky when you have a stepdaughter to know how to talk to her. If she has a mother, it may, in fact, not be your job to have these conversations with her, in which case you're off the hook. Talking to her mom (or having her father do so) will hopefully clear this issue up. But if she doesn't have a mother, or if her mother is absent or inadequate in such matters, then it is up to you to have the conversations with her much as you do with your own daughters. Your stepdaughter will likely be grateful that you are taking the time to shed light on what's going on in her body, even is she doesn't let on to you at first. You can preface the initial conversation by telling her that you care about her and you want to make sure that she as all the information she needs to feel good about herself as she goes through puberty. Let her know that you are there for her just as you are for your own daughters and that she can come to you with any questions or concerns that she has along the way. You don't have to worry about overstepping boundaries, girls hear about puberty and body-changing issues at school, from their friends and even on TV, you will simply be offering her another, probably more intimate, perhaps more accurate version of puberty, but certainly you won't be stepping on hallowed ground. Of course if she makes it clear that she doesn't want to talk to you, you will need to respect that too.
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