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Khyraen's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 8/31/08 -------------------- 8/27/08 8/2/08 3/10/07 1/4/07 9/7/06 8/6/06 7/16/06 7/1/06 6/26/06 6/22/06 -------------------- Khyraen's Introduction

Teenage Girls and Moods

July 1, 2006

Teenage girls can sometimes mean big trouble for their mothers.  Daddies are often still oblivious when it comes the their "princesses," but mothers meet their new rivals come the teen years.

Please, don't get me wrong.  It's not all fights and struggles and no fun.  For one, your daughter finally is old enough to really talk to (when she's talking to you, that is) and she's in possession of a more mature sense of humor (one, when she uses it, you can appreciate), and she is capable of being a real help around the house (when you can get her to do so without attitude.)  OK, those were dirty positives, and they weren't meant that way.  I only added the remarks in parentheses so that people didn't think I really don't have a teenage daughter and I was just some sick-o who likes to go on sites for parents of teens and write up glowing reports to make them feel somehow...less.

I'm not!  I live in the real world--or at least, the real home school mom world.  And I do have a teen--two of them--though the second is a son and very disabled.  But the fact is, mostly Ashley is all of the above without the parentheses.  Mostly!  But not today.

This afternoon, after we had returned from her little brother's birthday party, she started to work on her "homework."  Everything was great for a while...isn't that how it always starts out?  Then, she showed me the cube she had made for her sculpting assignment and I explained to her the very obvious improvements that needed to be made.  For one, a cube is the same length any which way you want to measure it, but her cube was only 2/3 as high as it was on every other measurement.  Besides that, there were a few other minor details I commented on.  From there, things...

She simply didn't want to fix the assignment.  It was stupid (of course) and I should "return it and get [my] money back."  She hated it (and "it hates you back," I assured her) and--did I mention?--it was stupid.  It got really "stupid" when "it" was thrown back in the container with the other clay and wrecked.  She wasn't going to do it, she didn't want to do it, you couldn't do it how they showed, and--did I mention?--it was stupid.  And to top it off, she didn't see why she had to do it because it was stupid!

Well, I'd had about enough and she was so mad she had tears in her eyes.  She had often gone to her room to be alone when she was upset, and I demanded she do so now.  When the ten minutes I proscribed came and went without her return, I decided she needed more time and left her alone.  After about 20 minutes, she emerged, but she let me know right away that 1) she hated it, 2) she was still mad, and 3) it was stupid. 

Well, since she loves to cook but wasn't going to make dinner because she didn't much care for the choices, and since she was going to be mad anyway, and since I had other things I could do, and since she "wasn't going to do it," I sent her to make dinner for the family.

Now this is where the 'it' Shel talked about comes in.  Not the it homework assignment that was--you may have heard--stupid.  No, the 'it' every child must find that inspires them and focuses them and pushes them to new heights.  That 'IT.'  Well, for Ashley, right up there with swimming is reading and cooking, and reading is more passive than active.  So, even though she was mad and she didn't want to cook what we had suggested, she went in the kitchen to cook.

After a short while, shorter than expected, dinner was ready.  She hadn't made what was suggested, which is fine since my rule is "the cook gets to decide what's for dinner," but had come up with something unique with the ingredients we had.  She also came out of the kitchen with a new attitude. 

Saying sorry is serious stuff for a teen, and very hard, so when she came up to me with all the anger gone from her face and stood there and asked me if I would help her work on it tomorrow, I said, "Of course."  And I said everything she couldn't say. 

I told her I knew she was sorry and that I forgave her and that I would always help her if she needs me to--and reminded her that I had offered.  I told her that I sent her to her room to try to help her find herself because that was what she used to do and that, when that hadn't worked, I sent her to cook hoping she would at least enjoy that.  She got wet eyes and that funny, I'm going to cry if you keep it up, look on her face, so I stopped so she didn't have to cry.

I love this girl more than her mind can even imagine. 

And the rest of the night went fine.  She even helped her brother with his science project by building the spare little garden area for his corn and bean plants out of an empty styrofoam egg carton.  (I told them that they looked like they were getting along--and Jonnie made his eyes all big like a surprised cartoon boy.  He has a great sense of humor, that boy.) 

Later, when Ashley was asked to help, she did so and completed the job without having to be told twice or giving attitude.  Then, she got herself ready for bed and in bed and just let off a "goodnight" on her way, or we wouldn't even know she was in bed. 

It could have gone much worse!  I'm so happy for the 'it' and the new attitude (about it.)

Best wishes,

Khy

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