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Rites of Passage
What to Expect When It's Not Your Religion By Sue Marquette Poremba
Thirteen is considered the age of adulthood in many religions. In recognition of this, special religious ceremonies or events, such as a Bar Mitzvah or confirmation, are held. As friendships among children spread across religious beliefs, it's common for children to invite friends to these religious ceremonies. Yet many of us are unfamiliar with religious rites outside of our own faith, and this leaves us unsure about what is expected when our children accept invitations to attend these ceremonies.
The Jewish Bar or Bat Mitzvah and Christian confirmation are the most common religious ceremonies a guest will likely attend. Read on for your "insider's guide" on what to expect.
Confirmation in the Catholic Church takes place outside of the regular Mass service, usually with the diocesan bishop presiding. It is common to invite extended family and friends to witness the confirmation. Much of the service follows the setting of a traditional Mass, with readings, responsorial hymns and Holy Communion.
During the mass, there will be periods of sitting, standing and kneeling. "Kneeling is a sign of adoration and penance," says Lapinsky. "A non-Catholic may choose to assume this position or not depending on one's personal belief." There may be a booklet or missal to follow, which will include instructions to the congregation on when to stand, sit or kneel, or simply follow the lead of the people sitting nearby. Most of the prayers and any hymns to be sung during the Mass will be included, as well.
Many non-Catholics are unsure what to do during Holy Communion, because in the Catholic Church, only those baptized into the Catholic faith are eligible to receive the sacrament. "During the Communion Rite non-Catholics may pray or simply remain silent and still," Lapinsky explains. "In some cases, you may approach a cleric and receive a blessing instead."
In Protestant churches, confirmation is often part of the regular church service. In the Lutheran Church, confirmation offers the recipient in his own heart the baptismal vows that his parents assumed on his behalf. In the Episcopal Church it is a sacramental rite completing baptism.
Sherry Tatar of Aurora, Ill., who attends a United Methodist Church, says that when her daughter made confirmation, it was a normal church service with the confirmation ritual, which is printed in the hymnal, included. "The service includes a mix of old and new hymns, announcements, prayer, The Lord's Prayer, offering collection, the sermon, the confirmation ceremony and the conclusion," she says.
There is no special dress expected for those attending a confirmation, although traditional church dress is appreciated. For those who wish to give a gift, something with a religious theme is appropriate.