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The Secret Life of Boys
Tips to Help You Understand Your Son's Emotions
By Kelly Burgess
Dr. Mary Polce-Lynch, developmental psychologist and licensed counselor, compares boys' emotions to a staircase – one that goes down.
"Boys and girls start out the same when it comes to expressing their emotions, but after about fifth grade, boys start to express theirs less, and by twelfth grade they can be very insular," Dr. Polce-Lynch says. "I think it's probably a socialization process, but we should give voice to those who believe it's biological and that it's just the way boys' brains are organized. The reasons why are still open to debate."
While Dr. Polce-Lynch recognizes that all boys and girls aren't exactly alike, in general it seems as if girls are much more open to sharing every detail of their romantic feelings – from the first stirrings of puppy love to the more serious dating details. What boys are feeling, on the other hand, can be a mystery. But, according to experts, their feelings are just as strong, and they are just as much in need of a sympathetic outlet to express them. Parents just need to know how to be an available and receptive audience.
There's no set age when boys start liking girls in a more romantic way, says Dr. Kevin Kennedy, child and adolescent psychotherapist and director of the educational assessment center at Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates. Dr. Kennedy notes that the entry into adolescence varies a great deal, with girls entering puberty as early as 8 to 11 and boys at ages 9 to 12 or 13. However, true romantic interest in girls probably doesn't begin until middle adolescence, which is around ages 14 to 16.
And it's not all about sex, either; it's about general appeal, which encompasses both physical and emotional attraction, that indefinable "something" that is the root of all male/female desirability at any age.