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La Femme Nasty
Surviving Female Adolescence
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
It feels personal. Mothers typically describe feeling scrutinized by their teens. As one mother put it: "Living with my daughter is like having my own personal X-ray machine." This is because your daughter's effort to develop her own individuality motivates her to examine your every action. This is a far cry from her early childhood, when you frequently could do no wrong or were the "best mother in the world."
Conflict is particularly hard. In general, women have a tough time handling conflict and anger; therefore, they regard their teenage daughters' challenging behavior or outright hostility as particularly unwelcome. Thinking back to when your daughter was a little girl, you probably expected her to get into squabbles with her peers and siblings. Now that your daughter has reached adolescence, you may believe that your daughter should be beyond all that. She should know how to get along with people – especially with you.
"I have always viewed my daughter in a positive light as she moves into and through all stages," says Terri Slater from Boca Raton, Fla. "However, I do believe this to be the most challenging phase thus far. She is still in many ways a child in a very adult body. We have had some tough situations. When things get out of hand, I simply lay down the law and remind who the parent is. Fortunately, these times are few and far between because of the mutual respect we have for each other. In a nutshell, the key to getting through these tough times is trust and communicate. If you can do this, I believe you [both] will 'survive' and most importantly grow in the process."
