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Watching the Clock

Negotiate and Enforce Curfews

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

"We tend to ease our way from childhood to adolescence," Chapman says. "We don't have any conversation about it. As a result, the parents have one set of ideas of what they expect of the teenager and the teen has other ideas, depending upon what their friends are doing. So it is inevitable that they are going to run into conflict over these issues."

And all that arguing usually leads to the parents losing their influence over their teenager.

"My son is always late coming home," says Laura Hess, a mother of four from Minneapolis, Minn. "I have tried grounding him, taking away the phone, computer and television, but nothing works. I always end up giving in. I know that I shouldn't, but what teen wants to be stuck in the house on a Saturday night or wants the embarrassment of not being allowed to talk on the phone? I wouldn't and I guess that makes me feel guilty."

But setting curfews for your teen does not have to become a battle. Involving him or her in the process – which allows them to know what is expected of them as well as what happens if they do not live up to their end of the bargain – can prevent unnecessary arguments or power struggles.

"Deal with curfew and all the other related areas by working out the guidelines together ... and both parents and teens will be moving in the same direction and will be on the same page," Chapman says.