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A Car
To Give or Not to Give,
That Is the Question By Tim O'Brien
That Is the Question
If I hadn't been a teenager myself or had total amnesia, I'd have trouble understanding this, but I don't. I know how important certain things are when you're caught between childhood and adulthood. I know that what may seem like wants to parents are in effect needs for teenagers who need to be accepted in their own social circles simply as "normal."
Right now, I'm glad my wife and I did not aspire to live in one of our neighboring communities, which are somewhat affluent. If we lived there, we'd be having this same negotiation not just about any car, but rather about a particular sports car or spring breaks in the Virgin Islands or winter breaks in Aspen. In our case, the debate is over something more on the level of a 1996 Honda Civic.
Still, I can't escape my own experience on this one. Yes, I can afford to buy him the car that would make him happy for now, but that's not the issue for me. Like my teenager, the issue for me is not one of meeting his transportation needs or just economics. If status is his concern, mine is centered on privilege.
I am not convinced that handing kids big-ticket items like cars can be good for their character or their long-term development as people. My journey to possession-hood started more meagerly, from odd jobs as a bus boy and parking lot attendant to the "white collar" job of mail boy and garbage collector in a radio station while in college. I personally paid for every car I've owned and for my college education. In the end, not only did I feel the better for it, but I felt a competitive edge in the workplace. I always knew I was willing to do what those who wanted the same job as me would not. I knew I'd work harder and was never proven wrong.
This hunger, combined with agood education and great teachers in school and at work, is a recipe for success in work and in life. I vowed not to allow any success I may have to deprive my kids of these hard but valuable lessons. Eventually, I gained a place in the business world and was able to give my kids things and experiences that I never could have dreamed of for myself as a kid.
