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Adulthood by Choice
Don't Leave Your Child's Future to Chance
By Sue Marquette Poremba
During the Terri Schiavo feeding tube debate, one of the 11 o'clock news shows did a feature on a local family in a similar situation. The daughter, now in her early 40s, was in a permanent vegetative state and had a feeding tube inserted. Her parents want nothing more than the feeding tube removed, but state law prohibits it. Part of the problem, the mother admitted during the interview, was that when their daughter was in the car accident at age 21, she had no living will or documents that would have recorded her wishes. At 21, who would think to have them.
I mentioned this to Gary Delafield, a lawyer and father of four children. When his two older daughters hit adulthood, I asked, did he sit down with them and draw up legal documents like power of attorney or living wills? "No, I haven't," he said, a little sheepishly. "But they are still little girls to me."
Adulthood of our teenagers seems to happen almost by accident. Literally, one day they are a 17-year-old (or 20-year-old, depending on the state) minor, and then, on their birthday, they are an adult in the eyes of the law and the government and of just about everybody – except, perhaps, the parents. It is hard for parents to look at the child and realize this person is now an honest-to-goodness adult. Usually it takes an outside act for a parent to truly understand that, at least in a legal sense, the relationship between parent and child has changed.
