Transferring Traditions

Passing Down Family Traditions to Your Children

By Marjorie Sims

"Will Dad read the Christmas story on Christmas Eve again this year?"
"I don't have to do chores on my birthday, right?"
"Are we going to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July?"

A hidden agenda lurks behind my children's questions: Are we going to keep our traditions?

Family traditions can prove to be a vital part of the preteen years. "In today's mobile society, kids need some reliability in their lives," says Dr. Floyd Covey, a practicing psychologist in Memphis, Tenn. "Traditions -- whether during the holidays or throughout the year -- serve as anchors that remind kids they can depend on something. Parents need to take the initiative in upholding family traditions -- even the seemingly insignificant such as McDonald's on Friday nights mean more than preteens let on."

Children mark time by the big events that take place in their lives, says Valerie Adams, a Memphis mother of six who teaches seminars on traditions. Adams says three phases need to occur in order to help preteens identify traditions: anticipation, participation and reflection.

"Anticipation gets preteens excited about the upcoming tradition," she says. "Kids love to talk about what big event is next. Participation is essential for remembering the tradition."

She encourages parents to continue including all family members in traditions year after year. It's a lesson she learned from experience. "We do banners every year, and with six different schedules in the house, I often find it impossible to find a time convenient for everyone," Adams says. "One year I decided that I would do the banners with my younger kids, whom I home school, while the older ones were at school. I was not prepared for the objections of my 15-year-old, Daniel, when he came home and saw that we were doing the banners [without him]. I thought he had outgrown tradition, but now I think maybe he never will!"

Reflection, the final step, is when kids begin to anticipate the next event, she says.

Want to see more?

• Preteenagers Today MomsTalk
• Building an Empowering Tradition: Girls head to the workplace to learn skills and find inspiration
• Holiday Spirit: Helping Your Preteenager Make the Most of the Giving Season