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Everybody Ready for the
Dating Game?
Understanding the Process Helps You and Your Teen By Kelly Burgess
Think of them as toddlers. That's what Jodi Dworkin suggests when it comes to teens and dating. OK, she didn't put it quite that way, but she does say that dating is an important developmental milestone in the life of your child like learning to brush teeth, look both ways and color within the lines.
"When we talk about adolescent behavior we don't talk about it in a developmental way," says Dworkin, an assistant professor and extension specialist at the University of Minnesota. "But one thing they're going through is identity development, and dating is about learning about healthy relationships. The process of dating is a critical opportunity to learn these skills and to learn to trust their own feelings."
One of the first questions that begs to be answered before any rules can be made is the question of age: Is my child old enough to date? While there are no hard and fast rules, Dworkin suggests that you use your child as a guide. Some things to look for are signs that he or she is a responsible person overall, has respect for himself (or herself) and others and is able to stand up for his or her beliefs. A child who is naturally rebellious may not be ready to date without very strict rules until they're 18 or so. A child who can be trusted to follow rules and keep to the family values may be able to date much sooner.
But before we worry about how old is old enough, Dworkin points out that a parent's perception of a date needs to be compared with the child's perception. The traditional idea of dating a boy asks a girl out, picks her up at a stated time, takes her somewhere and brings her back at a stated time may be far from what the teen defines as dating. I know this from personal experience, because at age 12 or 13, my daughter, who is now 17, would refer to two of her friends as "going out" even though they never actually went anywhere.
