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The Teenage Brain
A Lesson in Understanding for Parents of Adolescents
By Glenn Goldberg, J.D., R.C., Adolescent Specialist and Parent Coach
Have you experienced problems, conflicts, challenges or frustrations in parenting your adolescent? Is your teenager ever moody, sarcastic or negative? Does their behavior ever hurt your feelings, "push your buttons" or leave a residue of anger and resentment? Have you ever been the target of the legendary teenage "glare," which can devastate your confidence and spirit? Has your child displayed defensive or defiant body language like folded arms, rolled eyes, tightened jaws or clenched fists? Have you seen other behaviors, maybe less dramatic, that are nevertheless deeply disturbing?
Most parents of teens have experienced bad attitudes and disrespectful interchanges. It's not fun, but it is normal. Most teens are rude and disrespectful some of the time. This seems to be one of the ways they react to their internal turmoil. Rebellious behavior can also be a way for them to feel some degree of power in a family and a world where they often feel totally powerless, regardless of the reality.
You have a very tough job: redefining or renegotiating your authority with your teen. Just when you were starting to feel reasonably comfortable and competent in your parental role, you may now be experiencing what seem to be endless and exhausting tugs of war over who sets the rules, where are the boundaries and what are the limits. Your teen may move tantalizingly closer, then suddenly pull away – cuddling one minute and cursing the next – in a way that leaves you confused and disoriented.
Adolescence also hands your child a challenging new job description. Their primary developmental task is to form their own identity separate from you.
In earlier stages, your child found their identity within your family. Now, their friends seem to be more important than you. Your teen may be spending more time outside your family than inside it. Being accepted as a member of their peer group has become their paramount emotional need, their badge of belonging, and this permits them to start severing their emotional ties and reducing their dependence upon you.
