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Home › Articles › Dating and Sex › When Romance Rages

When Romance Rages

Recognizing and Preventing Teen Battering

By Felicia Hodges

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Teach the power of words.
Many abusers use emotional abuse as their weapon. Such behavior can leave lasting psychological scars that may take most of a lifetime to heal. "There are guys I counsel who never hit a woman, but they will scream, yell, get in [her] face and control her," Katz says. "They think that because they don't hit, they aren't hurting their women but they are wrong."

Stopping the Abuse
If you are convinced that your child is being battered, talk to someone -- a doctor, social worker, domestic violence shelter worker or police officer -- who can help you assess the situation and decide the next step. But avoid confronting the suspected batterer.

"You never know what actually happened. Confronting the perpetrator is never, ever the right thing to do," Feldman says.

You can get a restraining order (sometimes called an order of protection) to keep the batterer away from your child. Either the police or a domestic violence case worker can help with this. The order will require that the batterer stay a set distance away from your child at all times. Violations subject the batterer to arrest.

Remember to talk with your child. If he or she is afraid, validate that feeling. Then praise him or her for making the steps to correct the situation. Emphasize that the violence was not his or her fault.

Also use caution. The most dangerous time for any victim of domestic violence is just after he or she ends the relationship. This is because the batterer feels threatened by the loss of control over the victim.

A dating relationship may be different than a married one, but it can be potentially just as violent and volatile, warns Feldman.

If your child is a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

* Not their real names.

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