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When Romance Rages
Recognizing and Preventing Teen Battering By Felicia Hodges
The abuser may also turn the situation around and make the victim feel like it is his or her fault.
"It's not so different from a parent that says, 'I only beat my child because I care about [him or her],'" Katz says. "But so much of it comes from self-esteem and self-love. Someone who is looking for structure can misinterpret abuse for love. It can become quite a paradox."
Prevention and Intervention
The abuse model is one of forced control using words, violence or even the threat of violence, says Feldman. "Anger-control workshops and classes won't help because it is such an ingrained pattern of behavior for the abuser by this point." Suggestions for teaching your child a more acceptable way to channel anger and feel good about himself or herself can include:
Ditch stereotypical gender roles.Don't reinforce the idea that boys fight or that "boys will be boys." Encouraging such ideas sends the message that violence by males is not only acceptable, but also expected.Raise children to be sensitive to violence.Today, when seemingly every movie or video game solves difficulties with another by shooting them, it's important to let kids know that real life is not like the movies.Raise girls with self-esteem.Teach them that they are not second-class citizens. Encourage and praise them, not just when they are toddlers learning to run or say a new word, but also when they are finding their bearings in early adolescence.Teach how to settle conflicts peacefully.Encourage mediation or similar school programs to settle disputes. Tell your kids that they have options, including the choice to walk away from a fight.Model good behavior.Children learn more from what they see you do than from what you tell them. Be sure you're sending clear messages with how you handle conflict.Teach "zero tolerance."Tell your children that if they are ever threatened with being hit, it is not a relationship they want to be in. One hit, threat, slap, kick, punch or verbal assault is one too many.Want to see more?
