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Home › Articles › Dating and Sex › When Romance Rages

When Romance Rages

Recognizing and Preventing Teen Battering

By Felicia Hodges

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  • Focusing exclusively on boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • Crying jags.
  • Getting close too quickly. This may be a sign that "No" is not an option for your child where the boyfriend or girlfriend is concerned.
  • Boyfriend or girlfriend frequently loses his or her temper.
  • Boyfriend or girlfriend often goes overboard on the positives, like showering your child with 10 dozen roses.

    • "Parents don't often see what caused the 10 dozen roses in the first place," Feldman says. "Basically, if a parent has a gut reaction that something is wrong, it probably is."

    How the Cycle Begins
    Often self-esteem issues are at the core of violent patterns.

    "In the teenage population, a lot of young women's self-esteem is so low that it is only elevated when a boyfriend or girlfriend steps into the picture," says Dr. Stan J. Katz, a clinical and forensic psychologist in Beverly Hills, Calif. "They may feel that having a boyfriend who abuses them is better than not having a boyfriend at all."

    This may especially be the case if the abusive relationship is the teen's first love, he says.

    "It is extremely powerful," Katz says. "Even after they have been abused several times, what happens is all the boy has to do is say he loves her after the abuse and she feels good again."

    Although major similarities exist between teen victims and their adult counterparts, one big difference is that teens who are abused often still love their abusers. "Adult women often stay in abusive situations out of fear for themselves or their children or even because of financial dependence. They feel trapped in their situations," Katz says. "But teens often stay because of love."

    This happens because the abuser can often turn the beating or forced sex into a loving event by apologizing profusely and promising to change and then being really attentive and loving for awhile. Called the "honeymoon stage," this period of the abuse cycle can confuse someone who only feels good about themselves if showered with affection.

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