When Romance Rages

Recognizing and Preventing Teen Battering

By Felicia Hodges

At 17, Amy Lucas* was a quiet girl who played flute in the marching band, participated in school government and starred in several drama club productions. She also had a boyfriend named Tommy* who often slapped her, pulled her hair and once forced her to have sex with him.

"I never told anyone. Not my parents, not my sister, nor any of my friends," says Lucas, now 23. "No one knew at all except me and Tommy." And since his attacks usually didn't leave any physical bruises, Lucas said it was easy to pretend everything was OK and to hide what was going on from her those who knew her best.

Unfortunately, Lucas' story is one of many.

"About 65 percent of teens, most of whom are women, report that they have been forced to have sex with, or were hit by, a partner at some point in a relationship," says Dr. Virginia Feldman, a pediatrician who heads the Child Abuse Team and the Family Violence Task Force in Portland, Ore.

Chances are you may know a teen that is being physically abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend. It may even be your own child.

Because adolescents often distance themselves from their parents in an effort to assert their independence, you must strive harder to recognize the signs of abuse.

Even if you do not talk together as much as you did when your child was younger, Feldman says you can still look for these signs, which may indicate he or she is involved in a physically abusive relationship:

• A dramatic change in your child's style of dress.
• Bruises, scratches or other injuries, especially if the explanations for how the injuries were received are questionable.
• A dip in academic performance and dropping after-school activities that used to interest him or her.
• A significant other who shows excessive jealousy. This is a sign of control, Feldman says.
• Spending all spare time with the boyfriend or girlfriend. This may not even be by choice; the boyfriend may be forcing your child to spend as much time as possible with him.
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