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Are You Listening to Me?
Communicating with Your Teen By Donna Smith
But Do They Really Listen to Us?OK, so at least once a week you sit down at the dinner table with your kid and really listen to her, but doesshe really listen to you? Most teenagers do not take advice especially advice they don't agree with very well. But as a parent, we are obligated to protect our children and to steer them in the right direction. How can we get them to listen to us?
"If a parent listens first the teen will in turn be more likely to listen,"Dr. Jenson says. "Second, make yourself useful or needed. Parents have a lot to offer but teens need to know this. Third, use humor wherever possible and begin by making the conversations pleasant."
Lisa says she and her teenager seem to be at a really tricky stage right now, and no matter what advice she gives, it's not right. "He thinks we're nagging,"Lisa says. "That's very frustrating. If he comes to us first and asks for help, then he is more likely to listen to us and take into account what we say. If we offer it unsolicited, most of the time it seems he's either humoring us or else he kind of tunes out. That glazed-eye look starts to happen, especially if the advice goes on for more than a couple minutes and it begins to turn into a lecture."
Margie*, mother of 13-year-old Kristen, found a place where her daughter actually listens to her the car. "We spend a lot of time commuting, and I've found talking in the car to be quite effective," Marge says. "It's not like she can get mad, run to her room and slam the door. And in its own weird way, [it's] quite conducive to intimacy."
