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Home › Articles › Discipline and Communication › Are You Listening to Me?

Are You Listening to Me?

Communicating with Your Teen

By Donna Smith

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Really Listen to Them
We've heard this statement a thousand times listen to your kids. When they are teens this is more important than ever.

"Always pay really close attention to what your teens are saying to you, even if they are acting out when they are talking, and look them straightin the eyes and let them know you care about what they are saying," Kathy says.

"Listen when your kids talk," Peg says. "They always seem to want to talk to you the minute you sit down with the newspaper for five minutes to yourself. But put the paper down and listen. It's an honor and privilege that they want to share with you."

With our hectic schedules, finding the time to sit down and talk for some families can be difficult. Dinnertime is a wonderful place to start. Try to have at least one if not more sit-down family dinners per week. Be prepared, however, for an important conversation to start at the most unlikely of times.

"You never know when those important conversational moments are going to crop up," says Lisa*, mother of 13-year-old Zach. "They never happen when I want them to, but they do happen and you have to be ready to make the most of them without jumping up and down and making a big deal out of it."

But what if we don't like what they're saying? As a parent it can be hard to really listen when all you want to do is tell them your opinion about something with which you don't agree.

"You need to work hard to be nonjudgmental," Dr. Jenson says."Certainly, as a parent, you want to respond in an honest, helping and counseling manner, but maybe it would be better to wait or at least delay your response. At least wait until they are finished communicating what they want to say. Then agree with all that is agreeable, but say something like, 'There are some things you said that are troubling to me,' 'I don't understand,' or 'Let me think about what you said,' and 'We will continue this conversation later.'"

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