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Low Self-Esteem
Is Your Teen Suffering From Yours? By Tamekia Reece
You may not see any signs of self-dislike in your teen, but chances are those signs will show in relationships with others. According to Kass, we get our cues about how to respond to the opposite sex by watching the adults around us interact with each other.
"Whether it be by demeanor, language, body language [or] the consistent selection of unhealthy partners, parents can easily impart negativity to their children without realizing it," she says.
If your teens witness you being disrespected by men, again and again, they're likely to mirror that behavior – your son treating females that same way, and your daughter essentially becoming that disrespected female.
For parents who aren't in bad relationships, but instead use previous ones as a basis for negative comments about the opposite sex, Larina Kase, psychologist and president of Performance and Success Coaching, LLC, says, "When a teen hears a parent saying demeaning or derogatory statements or treating members of the opposite sex in discriminatory ways, that teen would be likely to show the same behavior and attitudes."
Sometimes, though, the teen will rebel against the parents' attitude and become overly friendly or act out sexually as a way to prove to the parents that they were wrong about all the things they said.
Rachna D. Jain, psychologist, says teens view parents with low self-esteem in one of two main ways: "Either they feel angry and upset at the parent because of his [or] her limitations, or they feel sorry for or protective of the parents because of the limitations."
For the teen who feels resentment because of what she sees as a parents' "shortcomings," it's not rare for her to lash out by ignoring any limits set by the parent and becoming out of control. On the other hand, Kass says teens who feels sorry for the parent may take on more of a parenting or nurturing role.
Though it may seem nice to be nurtured and taken care of by your child, it's not a good role to play. Your child sees your lack of self-confidence as a weakness, and the only way you can overcome this weakness is by getting help.
