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Home › Articles › Teenagers › Stranger in My House

Stranger in My House

When Your Teen Doesn't Act Like Your Teen Anymore

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

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When to Seek Professional Help
There are times when changes in teens are not "normal" or just part of the teen growing process. During these times, a parent must intervene and maybe even get outside help. "A parent's concern is warranted when there are 'significant changes' in their child's behavior and personality," Cunningham says. "In this context, significant changes mean in comparison to their child's usual way of being and behaving."

These significant changes can include, but are not limited to the following:

  • Increased irritability
  • Moodiness
  • Argumentativeness
  • Increased hostility
  • Decreased school functioning (truancy, poor grades)
  • Decreased interest in usual activities or previously enjoyed activities (hobbies, sports, etc.)
  • Increased noncompliance with home and school rules (breaking curfew)
  • Associating with a new, more deviant peer group

"The bottom line is that as a parent, when you are concerned, when the pit of your stomach is uneasy or when you feel a significant disconnect from your child, you should act," Cunningham says. "As I suggest to parents, 'I would much rather that you act and be wrong than to not act and be right.'"

Many parents, especially those with teens, would agree that parenting is a balancing act of sorts. And, as Cunningham states, being able to keep a good balance is a much-needed skill in dealing with the stranger who was once your teen. "Research has shown that parents who balance warmth (acceptance, nurturance) and control (discipline) consistently have children who are psychosocially competent and less likely to use drugs," Cunningham says. "I would suggest that parents focus on these two dimensions of parenting and let the rest fall into place."

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