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Hanging Out

What Do Teens Really Do in Their Spare Time?

By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW

Entrenched in the quest for ultimate privacy and security, teens may demonstrate suspicious behavior. Albeit some suspicions turn out to be unfounded, parents may find their teen's covert actions less than honorable. There is a simple and time-tested rule of thumb to help you determine if you should spy on him when he's hanging out with friends: If you think something inappropriate is happening, trust your instincts.

According to research conducted by the YMCA and Planned Parenthood, in more than 50 percent of instances of teen sexual activity and 75 percent of teen substance use, parents were suspicious of their child's actions for at least six weeks prior to discovering the action.

Even though he's recognizing his impending adulthood, much to your teen's dismay, he still is a child. You should know where he's going and who he's going with. Allowing some freedom is an important step toward his decision-making ability and independence. Additionally important to his development is an understanding for the importance of respecting the household rules and expectations.

If he's set on going out with a group of friends, make sure he respects your expectations. Since safety is always a concern, he should inform you of significant changes in his destination and should understand the importance of pre-set curfews. Allowing your junior high school child to go to the movies with friends can feel far more auspicious to you than your child. Reiterating basic safety precautions and household rules helps both of you transition to this stage.

Remember that, to your teen, hanging out is the adult version of mingling with co-workers, participating in a book or coffee club or taking an exercise class with a group of friends. We all enjoy social interaction, and a teen's precocious age makes mixing social settings and outings tough. Patiently guiding him to hang out safely and somewhat productively, at times will help him further develop his social skills.