Hanging Out

What Do Teens Really Do in Their Spare Time?

By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW

Have you ever noticed groups of teenagers huddled together at the local mall? What about the teens who gather at the playground and occupy the swings they've long outgrown? It is natural to question their motives or wonder why they're filling an afternoon by strolling aimlessly.

Our teens are at a tough crossroad of life for some, not yet old enough to drive, have a job or in their words "be taken seriously." Children ages 12 through 15 often find themselves feeling as if they have no place to go. They look for places to "hang out" with friends that offer comfort, privacy and freedom. Oddly enough, they usually fulfill their quest for privacy in public settings.

The desire to spend time, often doing virtually nothing, with friends is overwhelming. It is also often bewildering to parents. While the comforts of home offer numerous amenities, teens still go in search of someplace else to be. When they are at home, teens frequently face the common parental concerns of "All you do is sit and watch TV or listen to music" and "You don't do anything." They feel overly scrutinized, and go in search of a non-judgmental haven. But you can learn to guide your teen's social patterns without him realizing he's being subtly directed or feeling like he's under a microscope.

Try giving your teen and his friends an objective to their mission of hanging out. Offer them use of the garage or basement as a "teen scene club" if they clean it up. Tossing in some lawn chairs, a cooler of soda or juice drinks and bags of munchies gives them a safe place to call their own. Add a portable CD player and video games or stacks of fashion magazines, and you'll probably never pry your teen away from your house again!

It can be beneficial to encourage your teen to hang out with friends at home. Although be advised that they'll probably eat you out of house and home. After you've stocked up on munchies, you can persuade your 14-year-old son and his pals to hang out at home.

Above all, teens want comfort. Remember, a teen's perception of comfort differs greatly from yours. Your idea of comfort may be nice furniture, a clean house, a functional kitchen, etc. His perception of comfort equates to extreme privacy. Although you have the best of intentions when you pop into the room and ask if they need more snacks, teens see your visit as a breach of security. They may be in the midst of contemplating life-altering topics such as who is the cutest girl in eighth grade or how cool the latest song from Slipknot is. Your invasion is not only a security breach, but a reminder that The Rolling Stones and Duran Duran aren't as cool as you used to think! Giving your teenager and his friends a place to safely be themselves will encourage them to spend more time at your house.

If you're inclined to question his need to go to a friend's house to listen to the same music he's listening to at home, "You can have the basement to listen to music" suggests hanging out at home, and that you're willing to provide a forum for your teen to feel comfortable.

Want to see more?

• Teen-Friendly Family Outings
• Learning to Let Go: Why Growing Up Is Hard on You
• Home Alone: When and How?
• Talk about it!