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Home › Articles › Parenting Strategies › Finding the Fun

Finding the Fun

How to Put the Joy Back
Into Parenting

By Shel Franco

Pages:  1  2  3  

"Preteens and teens are the biggest bullies in the world," says Cohen-Posey. "Adults need to learn how to have fun with 'parent abuse.'"

Cohen-Posey recently gave this advice to a client who is having difficulty with her out-of-control 11-year-old. The recommendation: Everyone in the house gets a piece of candy when someone completes a chore, gets called a name or does something for someone else that the other person is supposed to do.

"Now when this 11-year-old tells [my client] she is stupid, [my client] just says, 'Oh, thanks, I've been wanting a [piece of candy],'" says Cohen-Posey.

Croft's household is less of a battleground these days, but she admits that preteen "verbal abuse" still occurs far to often. "I think I'm better equipped to deal with it now," she says. "I ignore as much of it as I can, but when it really gets bad, I head for the bathtub or I go shopping or I read a book. I'm realizing that I'm the only one who has the power to make myself feel angry. I'm not a victim, so now I choose to be in control of my feelings and behaviors. I hope my son learns from my example."

Croft has discovered the critical key to Cohen-Posey's theory on putting the fun back into parenting: Teens make their parents feel powerless, but there are a zillion and one ways to get your power back.

Looking for ways to lighten the mood in your home?

  • Pack lunch box or backpack notes when you send your preteen off to school, and pepper each note with a joke or silly poem, like the ones in Funny Little Poems for Funny Little People (Meadowbrook, 2002) by Bruce Lansky.
  • Enlist your preteen's help with pulling safe and good-natured practical jokes on other family members.
  • Start a family game night.
  • Take your preteen for a weekly date – just the two of you. Do dinner, take in a movie or go to a sporting event. Make it something your preteen really enjoys.

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