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All By Myself
Helping Friendless Children
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
"We're discovering that sometimes some kids need more practice and more specific reinforcement," says Borba. "Ideally, kids should learn these skills on their own, but step in anytime they're not using the skill. Not doing so will greatly handicap kids socially."
A child learns to talk, walk, eat and play by modeling parental behavior. So it should come as no surprise that modeling is one of the primary methods for teaching kids how we want them to behave, especially with social skills.
"Modeling behavior puts less pressure on the child because they get to see how it's done without taking the risk themselves," says Stavinoha. "The second essential part of modeling is to specifically discuss behaviors with your child after the fact. Too often we assume our kids saw what we did and 'got it.' Rather, it helps to reinforce any behavior if we model the behavior and then specifically discuss this with the child later."
Help your child find an interest and become involved. Often times, helping your child to find a place in the school, the community or even in your neighborhood is just what is needed to kick-start their social skills and help them make and build strong friendships.
"A unique skill that separates a child from the pack can have a huge impact on self-esteem," says Stavinoha. "Children who have a unique skill that is of interest or value to their peers may have an edge in some cases because other children may naturally gravitate toward them. Obvious examples are the star athlete or star student – these kids tend to have others seeking them out for friendship. Pursuing unique skills and interests can also place a child in a greater frequency of situations in which they are likely to meet peers who have similar interests."
According to Borba these tips will help you teach friendship skills to your child:
- Step 1. Target behaviors that prevent friendship.
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