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All By Myself
Helping Friendless Children
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
It is important for parents to recognize that a child who is having a hard time socially may not come out and say, "I have a hard time making friends – please help me." A parent must be able to read a little deeper into their child's actions and behaviors to find the root cause.
"Certainly some children will complain of being lonely or that no one likes them," says Stavinoha. "And parents can investigate the validity of these concerns, as it is not unusual for a child to occasionally make these kinds of statements during a moment of frustration. However, some kids simply withdraw into themselves without talking about it, and they seem to drop out of many social and family activities. Other children may act out on their frustration with a lack of social relationships. Again, rather than coming out and saying what is frustrating them, they may appear angry, aggressive, argumentative, irritable, etc."
On the other hand, if a child does express verbally why they appear to have no friends, parents should not take what they say at face value. The child may in fact offer a reason or excuse to save face.
"Parents need to also be aware of those kids who rationalize their withdrawn behavior," says Stavinoha. "Most commonly the comments include things such as, 'I'd rather play alone.' While this may be true in some children, others simply make these statements as a way to cover up their lack of social success. While this may be appropriate for a while, there comes a time when the lack of healthy relationships with a peer group can be detrimental to the child."
Many experts, including Michele Borba, an educational consultant, share the opinion that the golden rule of parenting a childless friend is that anytime a child is not successfully learning the skills needed for a successful social life, parents should intervene.
