Just Not "Cliquing"

Help Your Preteen Survive the Social Life

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

The idea of not being included or belonging in the popular crowd can often make a preteen miserable. Now just imagine what it will be like when they get to high school. If they don't become part of a clique, they will "just die." With a little help from the experts, you can help your child – and her social life – survive.

Many experts report that a child tries to find her place in the social puzzle starting at about 8 years old and continuing into middle school. According to Patricia Adler, sociologist, the social circle is the basis of many concepts, actions, reactions and a preteen's reason for existence.

"Belonging to a social group can be the ultimate drive, goal and need for a preteen," says Adler. "There is a true hierarchy of groups. Finding a niche is the most important thing in a youngster's life. It defines who you are. It sets the tone of your everyday experience. Without a group, your life could be hell."

The hierarchy Adler mentions is evident in middle and high schools everywhere. And while the "labeling" of groups may differ, one thing does not: the influence and existence of the "popular group."

"The popular clique is the largest and often the most 'elite' of all cliques," says Adler. "Usually consisting of several overlapping subgroups around a leader and perhaps a best friend, this clique is closed and exclusive. These groups are the cool kids whose leader can cast other members out whenever they want, with the rest of the group following suit."

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