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Fighting the Influence
When Friends Lead Astray
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Visit any junior high or high school and you will experience the power of influence. Clothing, hairstyles, attitudes and even the language are all gained by some amount of influence, whether it is from commercials, fads, trends, celebrities or music. Teen and preteen children are influenced by these various factors. However, a child's friends are the No. 1 influence.
Unfortunately, negative influences are just as easily accepted as positive ones. Karen Casey of Akron, Ohio, witnessed just how far the negative influences of friends can go. "My son was involved with various bad influences from age 12 to 15," Casey says. "His bad behaviors began with staying out progressively past curfew and riding the bus home at 2 a.m. At the worst point, he would come home at 7 a.m. drunk."
Besides drinking, Casey's son did drugs and smoked, as well. "Also, he was arrested at school for possession and for involvement in a drug sale – though not dealing himself," she says. "In addition, my son has been arrested for vandalism and for drug-related offenses. He's been expelled from different schools as a result. He's almost 16 years old."
Before you think your children's friends could never lead one another astray, think again. A child may experience an event that has caused overwhelming stress or may have problems at home or school, which causes negative behavior.
"There are no real good kids or bad kids," says Mara Berkley, family therapist and professor at Bristol University in Rhode Island. "All children begin at the same level and will usually make friends based on some common interest or likes. Then, as these children grow older, interests or behaviors will change – for whatever reason, one child may begin to display antisocial or inappropriate behaviors, while another child can become drawn in. Children who have been friends since kindergarten can find themselves in company with strangers as they enter middle or high school."
