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Home › Articles › Self-Destructive Behaviors › Mean Teen

Mean Teen

Recognizing Early Signs of Violence

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

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What Parents Can Do

The best tool in learning about, stopping or preventing violent behavior is parents. "Teens learn by imitating," says Goldstein. "Most often [teens] will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings. Talk to your teen – don't lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things."

The APA offers tips on how to talk to and listen to your teen, especially those who may be dealing with hurt, anger or confusing feelings in order to help avoid violent behavior. Some of these tips include:

  • When your teen is talking about his/her concerns, stop whatever it is you are doing and listen.
  • Listen to your teen's point of view, even if it is difficult to hear.
  • Let them complete their point, their opinion and/or their concern before you respond.
  • Focus on your teen's feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
  • Resist arguing about who or what is right. Instead, say, "I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think."
  • Ask your teen what he/she may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with a feelings or help solving a problem.
  • Realize that your teen may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering him/her. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk, and they may share the rest of the story.

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